Firefly and Serenity Quotes

Firefly the Series

Zoe: I know something ain't right.
Wash: Sweetie, we're crooks. If everything were right, we'd be in jail.

Book: Captain, you… mind if I say grace?
Mal: Only if you say it out loud.

Mal: If anyone gets nosy, just, you know... shoot 'em.
Zoe: Shoot 'em?
Mal: Politely.

"I know they tell ya, you never hit a man with a closed fist, but it is, on occasion, hilarious." -Mal

Simon: What's going on?
Kaylee: Crime!

"The legs! Oh yeah, definitely have to say it was her legs. You can put that down. Her legs, and right where her legs… meet her back. Tha— actually, that whole area. That, and… and above it. Have you seen what she wears? Forget about it. Have you ever been with a warrior woman?" -Wash

Harken: Seems odd you'd name your ship after a battle you were on the wrong side of.
Mal: May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one.

"You want a slinky dress? I can buy you a slinky dress. Captain, can I have money for a slinky dress?" -Wash

"'Course you couldn't buy an invite with a diamond the size of a testicle, but I've got my hands on a couple. [Mal and Jayne grin.] ...Of invites!" -Badger

Kaylee: Is that him?
Mal: That's the buffet table.
Kaylee: Well, how can we be sure…unless we question it?

Gentleman: If you require it, any gentleman here can give you the use of a sword.
Mal: Use of a swhat?

"Mercy is the mark of a great man. [He lightly stabs Atherton.] Guess I'm just a good man. [He repeats the poking.] Well, I'm all right." -Mal

River: The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems.
Mal: See, morbid and creepifying, I got no problem with, long as she does it quiet-like.

"This is the last time. Last time with cows. Hey, there was an idea regarding beagles? They have smallish droppings?" -Mal

"'Dear Diary: Today I was pompous and my sister was crazy. [flips page] Today we were kidnapped by hill folk, never to be seen again. It was the best day ever.'" -Jayne, pretending to read Simon's diary

"Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back!" -Mal

"Every planet has its own weird customs. About a year before we met, I spent six weeks on a moon where the principal form of recreation was juggling geese. My hand to God. Baby geese. Goslings. They were juggled." -Wash

Zoe: If she can fly this thing, why just take the shuttle?
Wash: Maybe she likes shuttles. [Everyone stares at him.] Some people juggle geese!

"That's why I never kiss 'em on the mouth." -Jayne

"This must be what going mad feels like." -Simon

Book: What are we up to, sweetheart?
River: Fixing your Bible.
Book: I, um… What?
River, tearing apart and marking Bible: Bible's broken. Contradictions, false logistics… doesn't make sense.
Book: No, no. You - you can't...
River: So we'll integrate non-progressional evolution theory with God's creation of Eden. Eleven inherent metaphoric parallels already there. Eleven. Important number. Prime number. One goes into the house of eleven eleven times, but always comes out one. Noah's ark is a problem.
Book: Really?
River: We'll have to call it "early quantum state phenomenon". Only way to fit 5,000 species of mammals on the same boat.

Mal: Ship like this, be with you till the day you die.
Zoe: Because it's a death trap.

"'Day' is a vestigial mode of time measurement based on solar cycles. It's not applicable. [beat] I didn't get you anything." -River

"Right! Because teenage pranks are fun when you're about to die!" -Wash

"He looks better in red." -Red

"The next time you decide to stab me in the back, have the guts to do it to my face." -Mal

"No power in the 'verse can stop me." -Kaylee

"I'll be in my bunk." -Jayne, watching Inara and her female client

"Hey, I've been in a firefight before! Well, I was in a fire. Actually, I was fired…from a fry-cook opportunity." -Wash

Zoe: Preacher, don't the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killing?
Book: Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps.

Jayne: Well, as a rule, I say, girlfolk ain't to be trusted.
River: "Jayne" is a girl's name.
Jayne: Well, Jayne ain't a girl! She starts in on that girl's-name thing, [reaches into his pants] I'll show her good 'n' all, I got man parts!

Simon to Jayne: No matter what you do, or say or plot, no matter how you come down on us… I will never, ever harm you. You're on this table, you're safe. 'Cause I'm your medic, and however little we may like or trust each other, we're on the same crew. Got the same troubles, same enemies, and more than enough of both. Now, we could circle each other and growl, sleep with one eye open, but that thought wearies me. I don't care what you've done, I don't know what you're planning on doing, but I'm trusting you. I think you should do the same. 'Cause I don't see this working any other way.
River: Also… I can kill you with my brain.

"Oh my god, it's grotesque! Oh, and there's something in a jar." -Wash

"What'd y'all order a dead guy for?" -Jayne

Inara: I suppose you heard most of that?
Mal: Only because I was eavesdropping.

Jayne: Good! Don't know these folks, don't much care to.
Mal: They're whores.
Jayne: I'm in.

"Look, they got boy whores! Isn't that thoughtful? Wonder if they service girlfolk at all." -Kaylee

"Nothing worse than a monster who thinks he's right with God." -Mal

Mal: Girl knows things. Things she shouldn't. Things she couldn't.
Jayne: What, are you— are you sayin' she's a witch?
Wash: [sardonically] Yes, Jayne. She's a witch. She has had congress with the beast.
Jayne: She's in Congress?

Mal: I wish it were that simple.
Jayne: Yeah, and if wishes were horses, we'll all be eatin' steak.

Serenity the film

Wash: Yeah well, if she doesn't give us some extra flow from the engine room to offset the burn-through, this landing is going to get pretty interesting. Mal: Define interesting!
Wash: "Oh god, oh god, we're all gonna die"?

"Shiny! Let's be bad guys." -Jayne

"At last, we can retire and give up this life of crime." -Zoe, looking at a near-empty bank vault

"I swallowed a bug." -River

"We're on a year now, I ain't had nothing 'twixt my nethers weren't run on batteries." -Kaylee

Wash: Inara. Nice to see her again.
Zoe: So... trap?
Mal: Trap.
Zoe: Are we going in?
Mal: Oh, it ain't but a few hours out.
Wash: Yeah, but, remember the part where it's a trap?.

The Operative: That girl will rain destruction down on you and your ship. She is an albatross, Captain.
Mal: The way I remember it, albatross was a ship's good luck, 'til some idiot killed it. [He turns to Inara.] Yes, I've read a poem. Try not to faint.

Simon: In all that time on the ship… I've always regretted… not being with you.
Kaylee: With me? You mean to say, as in… sex?
Simon: I mean to say.
Kaylee: Hell with this. I'm gonna live!

"I am a leaf on the wind… watch how I soar." -Wash

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